Rule #7 – Listen To People When They Speak, Especially Customers Or Clients.
You cannot listen when you have an agenda. You cannot listen when you are just waiting for a pause in the conversation so you can insert your opinion. You cannot listen when you presume to know what the problem is before it has even been explored.
When you take a position rather than seek the truth, you are in danger of missing the point, counter or otherwise.
Reflective Listening Vs Reflexive Listening
Reflective Listening
Reflective listening takes place when you not only pause and consider what has been said, but are able to repeat it back accurately to the client.
Reflective listening is different from a casual conversation because we purposefully shift from engaging in random chit-chat to listening reflectively. This active listening is often the important first step in effective problem-solving. It’s especially important for us to do this when the other person has an emotion to work through, an issue to resolve, or a “serious decision to make such as joining your business opportunity.”
Reflective listening is a surprisingly effective tool for ensuring that we have understood the client’s concerns-and it’s a great way to make that person feel that he or she has been listened to and appreciated.
How Does Reflective Listening Work?
It’s really quite simple.
For example, while interviewing a potential business partner you find out that this individual has an money objection. You can reflect this objection back to them by saying;
Let me see if I’ve understood you correctly.
Is it that you really don’t have the money and you want to get started, or are you just telling me you don’t have the money because you are not serious at all and you don’t want to hurt my feelings?
So what’s the point? Does this really accomplish anything? Most certainly. First and foremost, it helps you verify that you’ve properly understood what the individual has said. What people fail to grasp is that good listeners don’t simply assume that their understanding is accurate and complete. Quite the contrary; an effective listener will seek to verify this whenever possible.
As we sense the individual’s need to bare his or her heart or vent their feelings, the focus moves from our own needs to the needs and concerns of the individual. It is also important to listen reflectively before reacting to what the other person says.
When we react before attempting to listen reflectively, we often open the door to tension and misunderstanding in our relationship with that individual. Conversely, choosing to listen reflectively provides the opportunity to hear what the other person is attempting to say and will enable us to view the situation from his or her perspective.
It gives us time to set aside our own emotions so that we are better able to focus on the individual. The apostle James reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (James 1:19).
When we speak too hastily without listening to the other person, it is not uncommon for our agitation, frustration, or anger toward that person to quickly escalate. The more we try to understand the other person’s situation, the less misunderstanding and mis-communication may occur.
Reflective listening is not an opportunity to try to analyze the other person or their experience. In a world in which put downs and negative comments are common, we need listeners who can treat the person with respect. This includes valuing their individual characteristics and ideas, and indicating genuine interest in them and their comments. This can have a powerful impact on the person and on your relationship with them.
Reflexive listening is waiting simply for your chance to insert something into the conversation.
Have you ever waited for a break in the conversation so you can put in your own thought or opinion? I’m ashamed to answer, “I have.”
Real listening cannot happen when we have an agenda. We are not active listening when we presume to have a solution before the problem has even been explored. I get extremely frustrated when doctors treat me this way. Yet, if I’m honest with myself, I do this reflexive kind of listening more often than not. Reflexive listening is simply jumping at your chance to slip in something into the conversation.
Research shows that doctors begin to diagnose a patient within three minutes of entering the room. No wonder we have thousands upon thousands of patient getting sicker and dying from iatrogenic illnesses. Iatrogenic is a fancy word for, the doctor made a big mistake. Could it be these doctors make fatal errors because they never really listen to the description of their patients symptoms?
Just think about how are understanding would improve if we would hold back from inserting what’s rattling around in our brain and reflect on what is being said.
Questions
- How much do you really listen to other people?
- Define reflective listening.
- Define reflexive listening.
- Why is listening a form of surrender?
- Why is surrender a form of listening?
- What would the world be like if more people listened rather than shouted at each other?
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When you listen to Professional Inviter™, you’ll learn my easy six-step formula and you’ll discover there is a natural flow or formula to effective communication. And effective communicators use this formula, whether they realize it or not.
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| Tim Sales and his extraordinary communication tools has given me huge results in my networking opportunity. Working through The Brilliant Communicator Workbook along with Tim Sales coaching on the Brilliant Communicator CD’s skyrocketed my listening and communication skills to a new level. This has resulted in be being able to help so many more people. This is one of the best courses in this field. I highly recommend this course to any one who is looking to improve their communication skill. — Wanda Hamilton |
